Comedy in Singapore

Aye Aye landlubbers, I am in Singapore tonight and have a gig at the Masala Comedy Club Riverside Walk. Looking forward to flexing my comedy muscle again. It will be about the 8th gig I have done in Singapore and I have always been well received so it should be a good crack.
Love and Peace
Bentley

Land Ahoy!!

Aye Aye landlubbers, "Well shiver me timbers, Yo Ho Ho barrels of rum on dead mens chest, black spots from Blind Pugh, rumblings in the Foc'sle and other assorted salty old sea dog  malarkey.
We have made fast on the lay by berth at Sector 51  Keppel shipyard Singapore. We arrived at about 1700 last night. We are in among some seriously large tonnage in varying states of repair and I should imagine that for a photographer this place would be a treasure trove of opportunity.
I will get some snaps to give you an idea over the next few days.
As is customary there was a mass exodus ashore last night and several of the senior guys ended up in JJs watching the band Heritige until the small hours.
Headaches abound this morning however the fist cold beer (see earlier post) was most enjoyable after an dry period stretching to 115 days for myself.


Luckily the dry dock lay-by berth is miles from any civilisation ( read restaurants and bars) being in the middle of an industrial zone so it is a major effort to get ashore. This is a good thing as it keeps temptation at arms length and will ensure I arrive home in prime condition so Mrs B can benefit from my 4 months of healthy living.
   
Love and Peace
Bentley

Date & Time 14 -01-2012 
0000hrs (GMT +8 ) 
Position:- 1* 12.6 N 103* 34’.6 E 
Speed:- 0 (in Dynamic Positioning mode holding station) 
Wind:- N by W 10 Knots (Force 5 Gentle Breeze) 
Sea State:- Calm 
Weather:- Overcast. 
Temp 77F 
Distance to go:- 6 nautical miles 

Jurong holding anchorage 

http://www.charts.noaa.gov/NGAViewer/71265.shtml 

In the South Western part of Singapore you will see Jarong Island and we are close to the light marked on the chart. On the chart if you zoom in to the north of Jurong Island you will see a depth mark of 10 (meters), we will be tying up on the 1 side of that. 
We maybe getting a berth later today but nothing is confirmed. 

It has been gratifying to know that few people have followed the passage and my various ramblings and reminiscences about some of my life at sea. To be honest I have barely scratched the surface, however what it has done is given me several ideas for some fictional short stories drawing on my experiences and weaving them into the tale. 

I will keep my blog site running as a journal and update regularly as I go along with various musings and rantings. 

I will make one more post this thread once we have made fast and the voyage is complete. 




The music today is two tracks from this genius. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjYTgwDizbk&feature=related 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpprOGsLWUo&feature=related 

Cheers 

Bentley

Date & Time 1301-2012

0000hrs (GMT +8 ) 
Position:- 1* 18.7’ N 104* 48’.4 E 
Course:- 295* 
Speed:- 3.4 Knots 
Wind:- WNW 19 Knots (Force 5 Strong Breeze) 
Sea State:- Moderate (up 8 feet waves with underlying swell, white horses prevalent)  
Weather:- Occasional monsoon squalls.

Temp 79F 

Distance to go:- 79 nautical miles 

Eastern Entrance to Singapore Strait

http://www.charts.noaa.gov/NGAViewer/71265.shtml

We are up near the top left hand corner of the chart, of for those of you with a more nautical bent we are in the upper North West quadrant.  

We will be crossing the shipping lane at the end of the traffic separation lanes about between the “e” and “c” where it says Middle Channel

Up on the upper right side of the chart which is the eastern approaches to the Straits.

We have been delayed as we had to stop and pump bunkers to our escort tug.

We have been informed that out berth on the dry dock lay-by quay is not ready so we will be going into the anchorage and sitting in Dynamic Positioning for a few days until we can get alongside.

We are beam on to the NE monsoon swell so the rolling has increased and we are punching the current at the moment which has dropped out speed.

   

I am missing MrsB today after waking up from a particularly wonderful dream.

So this is to her from me and also for anyone who has ever wanted to sing this to someone or have it sung to them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wRCWcQVSJI&feature=related

Crossing the Line

Date & Time 12-01-2012 
0000hrs (GMT +8 ) 
Position:- 0* 27.4’ N 106* 00’.1 E 
Course:- 310* 
Speed:- 4.4 Knots 
Wind:- NNW 19 Knots (Force 5 Strong Breeze) 
Sea State:- Moderate (up 8 feet waves with underlying swell, white horses prevalent) 
Weather:- Occasional monsoon squalls. 
Temp 79F 

Distance to go:- 162 nautical miles 

South China Sea 

http://www.charts.noaa.gov/NGAViewer/71033.shtml 

We are up near the top left hand corner of the chart, of for those of you with a more nautical bent we are in the upper North West quadrant. 

The wind has stayed the same force although backed to North a little. 
The sea conditions are still moderate to rough although we are now experiencing an underlying North Easterly swell which is causing us to roll a little. Only about two or three degrees each way but combined with the slamming of the waves it is enough to let you know you are at sea. 
We are not quite up to the “I’ve never known a night like it” stage and it is a level of movement in a vessel that I like. 

We had a one massive bump at about 1350 yesterday which was the time we crossed over the equator. It is normally associated with a bump. 
So I am now back in the northern hemisphere and a few more miles closer to home. 

In days gone by we would have had a “Crossing the Line” ceremony which involves initiating people who have never crossed the equator with some maniacal and horrible rite of passage. 

One crew member would become King Neptune and if there were no wives on board another would become Amphitrite 
Davy Jones would be in attendance and my other made up dignitaries. Basically it was an excuse to get in fancy dress, have a laugh at the expense of new crossers, and go on the lash with a big feast as well. 

The ones who had never crossed the equator would be subject to the law of the court of Neptune which normally involved having old stinking food waste (several days old) big tipped over the hapless victims whilst being charged with various made up crimes such as looking a but odd or wearing unusual socks. 
It often involved the shearing of a chunk of hair as well which often started at the back and went over the top resulting in there being no other option but to have to shave it all off. 

After the ritual humiliation of the new crosses there would be a big feast and p!ss up. With so may vessels being now dry, the various more stringent health and safety laws, bare minimum skeleton crews and more importantly very few new people going to sea, the more excessive ceremonies have died out and I haven’t seen one for 25 years or more. 
They do them on passenger boats but as you can imagine it is a tamed down p!ss poor imitation of what used to go on. 

One of the craziest ones I remember was on a ship called the La Ensenada on passage from France to Durban via several West African ports. 
It was fairly wild bunch of us on there and we had several new crossers on board. 
One was the galley boy who was always up for a laugh but had a bit of an obsession with his rather bouffant hair do. 
During the ceremony a 4 inch wide strip was shaved from his neck to the top of his head and so he was left with no option but to shave it all off. There were 6 of them who had varying chunks of hair out so they all shaved their heads and the galley boy didn’t mind too much, although he said his girlfriend in the UK loved his hair and would finish with him if he had it too short. 
There was also the fact that some men can shave their heads and it looks fine, however some shave their heads and just don’t have the head shape for it and therefore look a bit freakish. He was one of those. 
We were expecting to be out for another 5 months so he was happy he would have a good head of hair again by the time we got back to the UK. 

The day after the shave he stayed outside in the sun to long and burnt his head, but what made it worse was that the fluid his head swelled up like an alien. 
Sympathy is not a known feeling on a ship and he had the mick ripped ruthlessly from him, even more so because the swelling started to subside so the fluid seemed to sink further lower down his head almost as though he had a rubber ring under the skin getting a little bit lower each day. 

A day or two later he had this band of fluid about about an inch thick at ear level around his head, and a glowing red pate that had started to peel really badly. It would be fair to say he was not looking at his best when we docked at Walvis Bay (Namibia) to load 30,00 ton of salt.
In fact he looked more like something out of a circus freak show, but he remained in good spirits and joined the many of us who were off up the road for a few beers (although there was very little in Walvis Bay at that time.) 
Unfortunately for the lad he was larking about and not paying attention when going down the gangway and he slipped and broke his ankle. 
He was whisked off by ambulance and was put in cast at the local hospital but he couldn’t continue to the voyage and had to be flown home. 
I have never seen someone so utterly distraught about having to go home before. 
Six weeks earlier he had joined the vessel for his first trip clean, and fresh and with an extravagant head of hair and he was going home looking like something out of a zombie film. 
Looking on the bright side he did have a Crossing the line Certificate, 
I wonder if he had it framed? 
Cheers 
Bentley 

Cheers 
Bentley 


The music today is from a band called Hobo Jones and the Junkyard Dogs. 
They are long time mates of mine based in Maidstone and although the sound quality doesn’t do them justice I hope you get an idea of the sheer theater of their performances and the total irreverence they adopt when choosing what songs to cover. 
The first time I met the lad singer and guitarist was when they were in a band called the Spice Daves who later went on to become Ghengis Khant, before hitting on the idea of Hobo Jones. 
They are regulars at Glastonbury for the last four years and firm festival favourites as well as touring constantly all over the UK. 
They play and intriguing fusion of punk and skiffle and no song is too big or too sacred for them to have ago at. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anylAQ31iAk&feature=related 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9E3GB_QGKfA&feature=related

_________________

Women are Fantastic

Why Women are Fantastic


Bearing in mind I am fully aware that if a man says something, when a woman isn’t listening, he is still wrong, and that there may well be some credence to the idea that we are from different planets, I still enjoy being in the presence of women. 
Do you know that split second feeling you get when you are leaning back on a chair and you very nearly tip over but just manage to catch yourself in time? That’s what it feels like in the company of women for me. 
You can never tell how it is going to go.
  
There is no mystery that in early religions the female was revered, but this was before men got their act together, when the christians and muslims took over by inventing a man god, and subjugated women to a lesser role, undeservedly subservient to men. 
I don’t think it is a coincidence that the world has been at war ever since. 
The adherents and enforcers of those religions have made great a effort over the centuries to ensure that it remains that way and although some remain firmly rooted in the stone ages a few of the cult offshoots of christianity have loosened up a bit as far as women are concerned.
  
All of that said, there is something quite magnificent about women and they have an ethereal quality that men can never attain  because women are the ones that give life. It could be what men are scared of.       


As much as I admire and respect women I wouldn’t want to be one because in the cycle of human life they get the sh!tty end of the stick.


For men it's simple, we are born pretty much intact. 
When we reach the age of 12 or 13 our goolies drop, followed quickly by our voices, then one day the blue veined custard chucker starts spitting when we rub it, and that’s us sorted for the next 60 or 70 years. Job done.


Women have to go though a far more complex metamorphosis which starts when young, because there comes a time when, although you have been running about naked in the garden since you could walk, one day your mum or dad says you have best pop on a pair of knickers. 
It is small change of attitude towards you and it probably goes by without much notice. But big changes are coming.

One day, a few years later when you are in the bath you notice something wrong with your chest as it appears to be separating and expanding into two distinct mounds. Your body is changing shape and morphing in front of your very eyes 
 “Muuuuuuummmm!!! Whats happening to me?”
“It is just part of turning into a woman darling” 


Then a little while later you cant work out why you suddenly want to burn down the house and machine gun your family and friends, this is shortly followed by acute stomach cramps, followed hot on the heels by menstrual bleeding.
“Muuuummmmm, whats happening to me?
“Its your period darling, The excruciating pain, violent and unpredictable mood swings and the mess, well that’s you once a month for the next 40 years or more. Welcome to the club”


Without your knowledge or permission you are now starting to emit a secret pheromone scent that acts as a magnet to the male species of human who’s knackers have just dropped, and you have to spend a few years fighting of the advances of young men with pants afire with desire.
   
Eventually one of them, after much fumbling about under the duvet of uncertainty, will succeed in convincing you that it would be a great idea if you let him slip you a length, which it has to be said is never quite the “Mills and Boon” moment that you dreamt it might be. 
I think it fair to say that loosing your virginity is rarely a satisfying sexual experience. It is more like a seamless wrapper on a box of your favourite chocolates that takes forever to get off, but until you can get rid of it, the goodies that lie within can’t be accessed. 


Sex often leads to pregnancy which is where a whole new level of the might of being a woman comes into its own. 
Budding breasts and the hormonal hurricane set off by the monthly menstrual cycle pale into insignificance compared with the changes that occur when you have an alien growing inside of you, demanding resources that were normally all yours. 
Slowly but surely the growing, wriggling, kicking, body inside of you begins to pull on your skin and regardless of the amount of balm and ointments you apply you are convinced you can actually hear it stretching.


With the early morning nausea, odd swellings, sudden change in taste and smells, and the new ungainly way of walking you have had to adopt, you feel anything but feminine and womanly, however there comes a time at between 6 to 8 months when  you suddenly say “ I am so so sexy, I am all woman, I am mighty sexy earth mother” as the new curves and shapes define you as the giver of live. Never before have you felt so whole as a woman. Its why you were revered as goddesses. 


Hubby or boyfriend (if any good) will have been as supportive as possible during the whole thing and learnt to say the right things about how magnificent you look, and of course he still loves you etc, but men tend to be a bit squeamish about making love to a heavily pregnant woman. 
Its not a lack of love or not fancying you or anything as ordinary and explicable as that. 
What concerns us (and I know it’s irrational and a biological impossibility) is bashing the baby on the head or worse still feeling a hand grab. 
I know I know, but it is a worry. 


Shortly after the sex goddess, earth mother stage, the waddle walk and back aches remind you of the work yet to come.


You then have the act of giving birth which I have been told can sting a bit.


It is at that moment, when you are probably at the most exhausted, mentally and physically that you have ever been, you have to begin to bond with, nurture, protect and nourish and infant. 
Some mystical hidden reserve comes to the fore and you manage this super human feat, only for a few years later to go through the second stage of a mothers pain.
This is when your child tells you that you that it no longer needs your warm, careful nurturing love and that you have become an embarrassment and that you know nothing and understand nothing. 
This occurs these days when the child is about 12. 


You will continue to provide free 5 star hotel services to your child until you have to go through the third mothers pain, the dreaded empty nest syndrome, which is the day when they flap their metaphorical wings that little bit harder and move in with the person that they have chosen to replace you with. 


It is about this time that you start finding it difficult to know what to wear when you go out as one minute you feel fine, and the next you are having hot flushes, followed by irrational mood swings, which signals the start of the menopause. 
This as far as I can tell is like a period but in reverse. 
(It should be noted at this stage that with many men, if you could convert what they know about the menstrual cycle into air pressure, they wouldn’t have enough to pump up one of the tyres.)


The menopause sometimes coincides with you starting to wear purple and buying those strange looking hand made leather shoes and felt hats or taking up bungee jumping, or in few cases looking at your partner wondering how the woman you once were with the all the  potential you had (and still have) ended up with that dullard.


But once the change is complete and you come out the other end you know you have done it. 
You have cracked it you have come the full circle in the cycle of a woman and emerged then other end, miraculously in one piece, and hopefully still sane enough to get on with enjoying the rest of your life safe in the knowledge of a job well done.


But just when you thought that it was all over and you had done your bit, nature has one more vicious trick up its sleeve for you.
A beard. 
Unwanted facial hair sprouting out all over the place leaving you to question if there no bloody end to what a woman must endure in her life before she can just relax back and enjoy it .

This is why I say that as much as enjoy your company and can only marvel at your resilience to the trials that life puts you through, you definitely get the rough end of the deal when it comes to the physicality required to be a human.
Respect.  


Cheers


Bentley

Date & Time 11-01-2012 
0000hrs (GMT +8 ) 
Position:- 0* 39.3’ S 107* 19’.1 E 
Course:- 310* 
Speed:- 4.6 Knots 
Wind:- WNW 18 Knots (Force 5 Strong Breeze) 
Sea State:- Moderate (up 8 feet waves with underlying swell, white horses prevalent) 
Weather:- Occasional monsoon squalls. 
Temp 79F 

Distance to go:- 273 nautical miles 

South China Sea 

http://www.charts.noaa.gov/NGAViewer/71033.shtml 

We are just below the wreck mark that is juust below the O of South China Sea 
The wind has increased a little and although the sea stil has some fetch to it conditions are a little better and we are making over 4.5 knots This brings our ETA forward to noon on the 13th 
The motion of the vessel is little improved with just the periodic slap of the odd larger wave 


The music today is from a great songwriter called Lucinda Williams 
First one upbeat and second one melancholy. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-5GifxO_h0&feature=related 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fT0MDQKew0&feature=related 

Love and Peace
Bentley

Date & Time 10-01-2012

0000hrs (GMT +8 ) 
Position:- 01* 47’.5 S 108* 38’.5 E 
Course:- 310* 
Speed:- 3.6 Knots 
Wind:- WNW 15 Knots (Force 5 Strong Breeze) 
Sea State:- Mod to Rough (up 12 feet Large wages with steep faces, some breaking waves with white horses prevalent)  
Weather:- Squally conditions with occasional driving rain

Temp 79F 

Distance to go:- 375 nautical miles 

South China Sea

http://www.charts.noaa.gov/NGAViewer/71033.shtml

We are 3 miles SW of the island Palau Serutu  

The wind has dropped abiut but the sea has a fair old fetch on it now with the continued regular monsoon squalls.

The motion of the vessel is still uncomfortable although a little improved and now we are moving away form where the sea narrows we are less influenced by adverse currents so we have managed toget up to 4 knots since midnight.

Our ETA at Keppel Dock Singapore is now late on the 14^th if the weather doesn’t deteriorate.

The music today is one track from what is a wonderful album.

I first heard this shortly after I had got back from sea a few years ago and MrsB set me up on the sofa with a large glass of wine and said “sit there and stay there until the end of the album as I think you will love it”

I did as bid and am very pleased to say she was right.

If you don’t have The Story of O in your album collection may I heaqrtily recommend that you remedy that as soon as you can

Hard to chose just one track but this one does it for me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aK0y9O504tc&feature=related        

Date & Time 09-01-2012 
0000hrs (GMT +8 ) 
Position:- 032* 34’.4 S 109* 24’.7 E 
Course:- 315* 
Speed:- 3.4 Knots 
Wind:- WNW 28 Knots (Force 7 Moderate Gale) 
Sea State:- Rough (8 to 12 feet, Large wages with steep faces, some breaking waves with white horses prevalent) 
Weather:- Squally conditions with occasional driving rain 
Temp 80F 

Distance to go:- 446 nautical miles 

Natuna Sea. 

http://www.charts.noaa.gov/NGAViewer/71033.shtml 

We are 45 miles SW of the island Palau Karimata and will be transiting between Kerang Ontario and Palau Serutu lights. Above the middle and just to the right of the chart. 
Weather conditions have remained as a moderate gale for the last 24 hours with regular squalls, meaning the seas are remaining fairly rough. 
The motion of the vessel is still uncomfortable with the repeated slamming of our blunt bow into the oncoming seas and we remain at the reduced speed of under 4 knots 
The good news is that I managed to get 40 minutes bronzy walk on the heli-deck yesterday afternoon. Hurraaah. 
In Europe now at about 7C, if you went out for a walk in 28 miles an hour of wind, any area of flesh not covered would be stinging with the cold in a few short minutes, your lips would be dried to a crisp and start peeling even with the application of a tube of lip salve, and you would describe the experience as ‘bracing’ ‘brisk’ or brass monkey weather. 
Walking in a tropical wind is best described as delicious, you still suffer the same amount of buffeting as cold wind but it leaves you feeling like you are rolling in massive, warm, soft feather duvet, as opposed to having cold gravel thrown at you. 


The music today was an easy choice as the Thin White Duke can now start to draw his pension. 
How cool can one bloke be? 
Here are three manifestations of great song writing and even greater cool in chronological order 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxKu7ggU3HU&feature=related 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1fcpCrRJ34&feature=related 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNw1ZPzqP9Q


Love and Peace
Bentley

The Green Flash at Sunset

    The Green Flash of Sunset

In 1976, on my first voyage in tropical waters, I remember watching a particularly magnificent sunset one evening.

It was one of “those” sunsets where the hues of all colours change so subtly that the light in the sky appears to be a liquid kaleidoscope of wonder.

I think it was probably the first time I had ever taken the time to actually sit and take note of one of the most satisfying, and peaceful free shows on earth.

When I went into the crew bar later and was waxing lyrical about it, one of the old hands asked if I had seen the “green flash.”

I was immediately on my guard, because I assumed this was another in a long line of piss takes and wind ups that all junior crew members are subjected to at sea for at least the first couple of trips.

It is a long standing tradition that when you are on the receiving end you vow that you will not take part in as you get older, and yet when you are a more senior member of the crew you take childish delight in fooling the deck boys or cadets.

Although I have not sailed with a deck boy in 25 years or longer cadets and other first trippers are still fodder for the fun if the opportunity arises.   

These are basically harmless pranks are not be confused with the lack of knowledge of the language on board. which you had to learn quickly.

I remember after three days of being on board my fist vessel and I was helping the AB on the fore spring, steam winch, situated just in front of the accommodation. 

We were moving the vessel along the quay and the AB had let me on the controls of the winch. Simple really, pay out, haul in, and stop. 

We were hauling in as we moved  forward and the Captain shouted down from the bridge 

“Fast heaving” so I speeded up.

The next thing the captain shouted down from the bridge was along the lines of  “Get that brainless fucking idiot off the winch controls”  

A couple of weeks later when I was painting the crane pedestal the Bosun slapped me around the back of the head and asked (if shouting into my face can be considered asking) if the name on the bow was the “MV fucking Butlins, because there were enough holidays in my paint work for it to be”

I didn’t know what a holiday was, in relation to paint work, as the biggest thing I had ever painted was an Airfix model, so rather than ask and appear stupid I decided to confirm my stupidity by guessing that it was the drippy bits where the paint runs, so I tried to tidy them up.

Half an hour later and another slap around the back of the head and the decrying of my entire family both living and ancestral and inquiries as to how much piss I was trying to take, I finally said that I had tried to sort the holidays, pointing to the area of less hanging drips.

After hearing the entire teaching staff and pupils of the deck boy school being credited to “not having one fucking brain cell between them” he showed me that the bits missed were “holidays” and the hanging drips were called curtains.

Whilst still questioning my ability to breath unaided, yet alone put on foot in front of the other at the same time as breathing, he proceeded over the next few weeks to give me extensive practical lessons in painting on board a ship the types of paint and uses and the methods of application as well as the preparation of surfaces.

It was during these painting lessons that he told me that in order for us to counterbalance the painting stage (a thick plank of wood using ropes to hold it in place to access difficult areas) I would need to go to the Bosun’s Mate and get a “long weight”.

Eager to learn I asked what it was and he explained that it was added to the wood of the staging and act as counter-balance to the person on the stage.

I found the Bosuns Mate at the paint store and told him that the Bosun had sent me to get a “long weight”

“Oh Aye” he says  “Hang on there I will just go and get you one”

He came back about 30 minutes later and when he saw me said

“Oh sorry son I had to do a job for the Chief Mate and it slipped my mind. Wait here and in will go and get it”

About 10 minutes later the Bosun turned up and said

“How "long" have you got to “wait” before you realise it’s a piss take?” 

About two weeks later I nearly fell for a variation on the theme which is a “long stand” apparently also required to reach an awkward place. I came back after five minutes and said he didn’t have one but has ordered some for the next port.  

The trouble is that when you are constantly the butt of these wind ups, you end up thinking that everything you are asked to do is just a ploy to have a laugh at your expense and so when asked to something perfectly legitimate you end up in trouble for saying “Fuck off, it’s a wind up”  As a deck boy this can lead to a slapped head or at the very least a serious bollocking.

One more sophisticated one I fell for was when we were replacing the anchor brake mechanism and needed to clean off the old brake drum.

There is a type of cleaning material provided to ships called “cotton waste” which it is basically finely shredded cotton.

It is amazingly absorbent and in those days was used a lot when doing most mopping up jobs.

I was happy to be helping dismantle the old brake machinery and in cleaning the drum ready for the new liner.

One of the ABs said that is was a bit more tricky than they thought and that we were going to need the finer grade of some 3/8ths waste on this.

He said that only the second engineer keeps it down the engine room for specialist jobs so nip down and see him and say we need 175 grams of 3/8ths waste. Watch out he doesn’t try to fob you off with any of the ordinary stuff as that’s what he does and thinks we don’t know, so stand your ground and insist you get the good stuff or you will only have to go back and get it.

           

Lulled by the technical sounding nature of the task we were about to complete I made my way to the engine room control room, (the domain of the Second Engineer who was not known for his sense of humour), and asked for “175 grams of 3/8ths waste”.

He walked over to the normal sack of cotton waste pulled out a handful and smiling shoved it into my hand and said 

“There you that will do it”.

“Oh No”, says I, “They told me you would try and take the piss by giving me the normal stuff and that you try and keep the good stuff for your own special jobs. I want the 3/8ths special and I am not to let you take the piss so I am not leaving till I get it”

Have you ever seen pictures of the few moments before a volcano erupts?

That’s what his face was like before he let forth an incredible intricate and foul series of expletives mostly related to what was going to be torn from my body and where the tattered flesh was going to end up being shoved. There was also some abusive references to that bunch of piss taking idle bastards on deck, wasting time sending morons like me on stupid errands.

I took the waste I had and made like Houdini by disappearing sharpish although when I related the story back to the ABs  between their thigh slapping hoots of laughter they seemed impressed that I had escaped intact.

Some months later I was there when the new deck boy was about to be sent to the engine room for a “bucket of steam” so we could defrost the winches. I admit to the smallest twinge of sympathetic guilt that passed in a nano second when he looked at me and asked,

“They are taking mick aren’t they?”

I replied, poker faced and all innocence and light,

“No, its straight up mate, last time we did it we needed about three buckets it was so icy”

and so off he went to bathe in the glow of the second engineers fury.

I ‘had’ nearly fallen for the same trick a few months earlier, but at the last minute I remembered a conversation in the crew bar about the same subject. 

When asked to go and get a bucket of steam I grabbed the bucket and set off towards the engine room and the detoured around to the poop deck and put my feet up and had a couple of cigarettes and caught a it of sunshine.

About an hour later I wandered back up the deck with my empty bucket and when asked “Where the fuck have you been for the last hour?” 

I replied that every time I got to the top of the engine room the steam had gone,so I had to go back and get some more but I just couldn’t get it to stay in the bucket. 

I didn’t get sent on any more daft errands after that one, and luckily I had already be warned never to agree to be shown the golden rivet.

Ladies (or gentlemen) if you ever visit a ship and an seafarer tells you that every ship has one golden rivet and asks if you would like to see it, the prudent thing to do is politely decline. 

It will involve having to bend over some obstacle down near the bottom of the ship and then lean into a barely accessible entrance, and while you are bent over…. .....well I think I can allow your imagination can take over from there.

So you can understand my nonchalant air of disbelief about the green flash and despite most of the men insisting it was true, there were 5 of us who had never seen it or even heard of it or had heard of it buitb thought it was a wind up.

Suffice to say that I studiously ignored every sunset for the next few weeks to prevent being caught out as a sucker although I will admit to keeping half an eye open waiting for the big green flash.

That changed after one of the old hands (strange to think he would have been as old as I am now) said that I shouldn’t give up as it was genuine phenomenon, but not to expect something like a green flash bulb going off, as it is much more subtle than that and doesn’t happen every sunset.

I began to pay more attention and was soon rewarded for my efforts.

I have to say I didn’t realise what I had seen was actually what I was supposed to be looking for to start with, as to call it a flash is a fairly large exaggeration.

It is only occasional and is more of a localised, sometimes very small, green tinge just at the moment the sun’s last arc dips over the horizon.

It can often manifest itself as a green spot right at the top of the sun as it drops out of view and sometimes a green band and sometimes nothing.

I would suggest the best place to see it is if you can be looking west over unbroken expanse of water to the clear cloudless horizon, which it has to be said is great thing to do whenever you get the chance regardless of a green flash.

I am guessing that because it is not a blatantly obvious “flash” with a “big impact” and most people don’t get the chance to watch the sun sink to a  western seascape horizon, it is not often spoken of or looked for.

Keep looking when you get a chance but think more along the lines of a small, localised, momentary glow rather than flash.

Love and Peace

Bentley

Date & Time 08-01-2012 
0000hrs (GMT +8 ) 
Position:- 03* 47’.4 S 109* 55’.7 E 
Course:- 335* 
Speed:- 3.7 Knots 
Wind:- WNW 28 Knots (Force 7 Moderatre Gale) 
Sea State:- Rough (8 to 12 feet, Large wages with steep faces, some breaking waves with white horses prevalent) 
Weather:- Squally conditions with occasional driving rain 
Temp 79F 

Distance to go:- 523 nautical miles 

Natuna Sea. 

http://www.charts.noaa.gov/NGAViewer/71033.shtml 

We are 45 miles SW of Tanjung Sambar 
Weather conditions have continued as much of a muchness over the lasty 24 hours with the strongest squallm being 48 knots, so the seas have not abated an. 
We are expecting more of the same for the next 24 hours and we haven’t seen the sun in over three days now. 
The motion of the vessel is still uncomfortable with the repeated slamming of our blunt bow into the oncoming seas and we remain at the reduced speed of under 4 knots 


The music today is another “wonderbra tune” ie uplifting. 
Always makes me smile when I hear it and have a go at joining in with the chorus. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFr_ARmnlk0&feature=related 

While I was finding the track I came across this solo acoustic version which I think is amazing. 
It reminds me of when we ran our bar the vast number of incredibly talented “bedroom” players that were out there just waiting to shine if someone gave them a stage. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWpMQVva-vU&feature=fvwrel

Date & Time 07-01-2012

0000hrs (GMT +8 ) 
Position:- 04* 21’.5 S 110* 48’.5 E 
Course:- 270* 
Speed:- 3.4 Knots 
Wind:- WNW 17 Knots (Force 5 Fresh Breeze) 
Sea State:- Rough  (8 to 12 feet, Large wages with steep faces, some breaking waves with white horses prevalent)  
Weather:- Squally conditions with driving rain

Temp 79F 

Distance to go:- 593 nautical miles 

Java Sea.

http://www.charts.noaa.gov/NGAViewer/71033.shtml

We are south of Tanjung Selaka point.  

Weather conditions have continued to deteriorate due to a steady run of squalls, some up above 50 knots, that have continued to heap the sea up in the last 12 hours.

The forecast is for it to reduce but this is monsoon season and, although should be predictable to better degree of accuracy, it is proving to be more temperamental.  

The motion is uncomfortable with a near constant slamming even though we have reduced speed and altered the trim of the vessel to counteract it.

We have also altered out course to the west to put the worst of the swells on out starboard bow and will alter to the north later to then put the swells on our port bow to try and reduce the slamming.

The shelter from the NE monsoon that was to be afforded by Borneo has not transpired as the NW squalls are more relentless than expected.

We are expecting for conditions to be worse and to feel the full brunt of the NE monsoon when we attempt to cross the South China Sea on our last leg to Singapore, however we are hoping to be pleasantly surprised.

I haven’t been able to get on the heli deck for three days now due to high winds and rain and am missing my sunrise walks and afternoon bronzy strolls.     

 

The music today comes from a Totalfrance poster (suki007) who is the lead singer  with the band Spythriller and just about to start a tour. Hopefully she will also be starting a blog about life on that tour.

She wrote it with Robert Fripp (King Crimson) and Bill Rieflin (REM) and I am sure she would be delighted to hear from anyone about the track.

I think it sounds like a Bond movie track and although it has a definite UK influence it also carries a European pop feel.

See what you think 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJ7uFnCqxos

Love and Peace

Bentley