Flammable Flags

At a football match, or any other sporting event, and in the immediate environs of the ground, I expect to see people carrying, waving and even, in some cases, wearing flags.

On public, or private, transport to and from the ground I expect, and am indeed heartened, to see the same thing.

It is in context, appropriate and in keeping with the event. It identifies the people involved as being supporters of whichever team, or country, and displays their allegiance to that team.

All fine and dandy and I have no complaint or issues about it.

Where I do take exceptional issue is when I am at an international airport and I see a family (heading or returning from holiday ‘not’ a sporting fixture) all decked out in matching England kit (or insert your own flag here) displaying the cross of St George.

I wonder at the grossly insensitive, thoughtless and pig ignorant mind set that thinks it is acceptable to display the flag of your own country when abroad.

Flags conjure up different and often heated emotions in various parts of the world, compared to the lackadaisical and often irreverent away in which the British public treats it flag.

Not many countries in the world use a likeness of their flag in such a disrespectful way as the brits seem to excel at, such as to do the drying up or wear flag underwear, in order to soil with body seepage and skid marks the symbol of their nation.

The populations of some nations fought hard and endured enormous suffering and sacrifice in order to be recognised in their own right as an independent nation, to be prepared to show such crass dishonour to those who had died in obtaining their own flag.

  

Flaunting your own flag when on foreign soil is an insult and an act of aggression towards the land you are in. It is akin to arriving at your destinations immigration desk and then dropping you pants, bending over  and showing them your arse, whilst shouting between your legs “pucker up and kiss that Johnny foreigner”.

It shows an utter contempt and disdain for the sensitivities, customs and history of where you are.  

Flags are planted on top of hills and buildings when a battle or war has been won; They are a highly visible and symbolic display of conquest of a nation and subjugation of its people.

Their significance is not to be taken lightly, or as a thoughtless fashion item, comfort / security blanket, or just brainless misplaced national pride for the wearer.

   

Flags are torn down, ripped to shreds, trampled on, urinated and defecated on, or burnt to ashes as a show of hatred to another country and its people.

The only people I have no issue with wearing their national flag when travelling are the Canadians, because hopefully it prevents them from the ultimate and most heinous of insults, which would be to be mistaken for americans.

Anyone could forgive the Canadians for wanting to avoid that ignominy.

Despite my dislike of flags and their ability to invoke unsavoury, nationalist fervour I have seen a good business opportunity.

There is sizeable niche in the market at the moment that is not being adequately exploited and I can see some juicy profits that are ripe for picking.

Every time you turn on the news and see some trouble hot spots, particularly in the middle and near east, there will always be a mob of angry people (usually men with beards) shouting frenzied slogans, which usually translate as castration or death to the infidel invaders from america England israel and others.

This shouting and running about by mobs is always, and I mean always,  accompanied by the burning of the flag of the offending nation.

This burning is normally followed by some stamping on the flag, often with some spitting and pissing as well. (The later events I assume are to put the flag out so they can be set fire to again at a later stage as it is often difficult to obtain a foreign flag in some countries.)

So ladies and gentlemen I present to you a fantastic opportunity to invest in my latest business venture “Flammable Flags” (or FlamFlags for short)

These are a durable flag made of a light cotton / polyester mix, infused with paraffin and come with a strong (and flammable) cardboard pole, that also doubles as the packaging.

The pole enables them to be first waved in a menacing and degrading way above the heads of the crowd to gain attention.

Neatly concealed in the corner of the flag is a small self ignition source (imbedded match heads and striker) so with one quick flick of a thumb and forefinger the FlamFlag will ignite.

The pole enables the flag to burn for longer without anyone getting their fingers burnt.

The paraffin impregnated cotton/poly mix ensures a steady and reliable burn, which also means that the FlamFlag can be lowered to the ground when fully ablaze, for some trampling and spitting, and then raised to the air again still afire and ready for more jeering and slogans.

Through a careful combination of chemistry and design the FlamFlag will burn for up to 8 minutes which is more than long enough to attract the attention of any roving TV crews.

The combustible cardboard pole is designed to burn after the FlamFlag has completed its process, which enables it to be throw to the ground for some more spitting trampling and perhaps some pissing.

I am also considering extending the range with the introduction of Ignitable Effigies. (IggyEfs for short)

These life like combustible effigies use the same simple ignition source as FlamFlags and come in range of world leaders, however the big sellers are expected to be Obama, Cameron Sarkozy Putin, and perhaps not surprisingly the still a hot favourites of Blair & Bush.

They all come with their own pole and can be dressed in a range of outfits including a tailor made FlamFlag suit for that ultimate protest pyre.

Don’t delay. 
Order your FlamFlags today 
(flags of all nations available discount available on block bookings)

At the next mass demonstration you attend don’t be left as just an angry face in the crowd, fire up a FlamFlag and gain the admiration of those around you     

and let your indignation ignite into a feisty flag fire.